APRIL 1976

Before I came out I was lonely. The only people I knew were satisfied with girl-boy relationships and my own needs went unanswered. I shied away. from what was then my only reality, and to compensate the loneliness I felt, I would fantasize relationships with men.

The very first man I slept with I fell in love with. It wasn't the man as much as the sense of urgencey the years of loneliness had instilled beforehand. it obscured me to any other emotion except my own. I wasn't

HIGH GEAR

A Personal Note On Loneliness

going to be lonely at any cost, and that desire blinded me for a long time.

Loneliness is the strongest motivation a gay person (or anyone else for that matter) has. Most people try not to acknowledge loneliness, they only re-act and try to alleviate its tension. The problem is, that it's hard to get rid of anything that isn't acknowledged.

Maybe the major reason gay affairs seem so short lived, is the tendency to expect love and have a lover be the ultimate remedy to loneliness.

It's hard to determine what you feel when reacting to loneliness. Often the need to be with someone makes us rush into situations that usually require more thought. A lot of times we compromise our emotions and our responses to another person because being with them would not be being lonely.

But I've found, dishonesty leads to a deeper sense of loneliness.

A great deal of the time while talking to another gay person I detect an undercurrent of dissatisfaction with his or her gay live. I personally don't. believe that any one life style is more tragic than another. Where the dissatisfaction orginates is within the individual.

For a long time I felt bitter because the "right man" hadn't come along, and when someone who looked like the "right man" did come along, I immediately planted him within the "right man" role. Needless to say I was disappointed most of the time. Later I realized what I was doing, I was still fighting loneliness with fantasies. I ignoring the person, I had no right to be bitter, I got what I deserved.

was

Probably the most detrimental effect of loneliness is its tendency to confuse emotions. I like one night stands if I know where "I" stand, and if I'm going to make a committment to someone I want to do it honestly..

More and more I find my chosen lifestyle not the lonely. be. myth it is reported to Whether I get the man or not is having increasingly little to do

Page 13

with my own personal security. The only controll we have ober ver loneliness is self-assurance. To come to terms with yourself is to loosen the hold loneliness has over us.

Akron Minister Goes West

AKRONRev. Stan Roberts the pastor of MCC Akron recently spent a week in Colorado with the ministers of the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches at their western ministers conference. As the second part to the program conducted in Akron in January this was an intensive group session designed to help professionals in their awareness of human sexuality. The Akron Forum was responsible for conducting a two day SAR (Sexual Attitude Reassessment) program for some sixty ministers and their spouses.

CLEVELAND

AMERICAN HOTEL & RESTAURANT

com-

Rev. Roberts now in his second year with MCC Akron says, "it was a real GREAT SESSION for getting in touch with so many areas of potential growth." "Learning to municate with each other about ourselves and our "hang-ups" with others." The Akron church can only improve as their people become more informed and therefore better able to teach and share with others. It is the design of MCC to provide as much time as needed to allow their minister to be involved in continuing education."

bowery & boulvard exit 127

1-76 77

YOUNGSTOWN

AKRON, OHIO

LAKESHORE & KENMORE BLVDS. OFF THE BOWERY BLVD. EXIT RT. 77

kenmore

1-77

CANTON

COME ON DOWN!

we're only 30 minutes, from cleveland

there's always more at AHR

coming South to akron, take 77s. to exit

#127

AMERICAN HOTEL & RESTAURANT Corner of Lakeshore & Kenmore Blvds.

randy

RA